Who are we really serving?

I've had one hell of a school year.  And I still have 5 days until 2nd semester.  This does not bode very well for the coming year.

Even though I am now a veteran, I still feel like a newbie in some situations.  One area that is a strength for me is my connection with kids.  I care about them.  I want them to learn.  I hope to make education something meaningful for them in their life.  This is my vision as a teacher - I meet my kids where they are and try to help them on their journey of self discovery.

Lately, it feels like the bureaucracy, red tape, "the man" - all of these factors beyond my control have been major obstacles I have to dodge.  When I have to spend hours trying to organize two different classrooms, when I have to stop worktime for my students and their final to have a fire dril, when I spend more time planning alternative lessons for students who are suspended than I do the original lesson - something is wrong.  Teaching is such a demanding job that it is almost natural to look for the nemesis to blame problems on.  But I usually feel like I am in the trenches with fellow teachers I respect and hope to emulate, which makes the weight of the job easier to bare.

Far too often this year though, I have felt isolated in my job.  For 11 years I team taught a World Studies class, so I was always with another teacher.  Yes, we had a double classroom, but we also had two people to handle behavior, two people to try and reach students, two people who could share the burden of minutia and other paperwork that bombards our inbox.  I loved it.  I took American Studies in a class set up like this in high school and it made so much sense to me.  Initially, I didn't realize this is what I wanted to teach (I thought I was more an American Lit type of gal), but I was thankful for a job.  And along the way I realized that World Studies is what I teach well.

My first partner teacher really liked having student teachers and in the 10 years we taught together, I worked with him and his 11 student teachers.  Along the way, I had 4 student teachers of my own.  Last year, I got to work with the awesome Ashton Honeycutt who challenged me to do things not because it was the way it was always done, but because it was what would help students learn.  Because her position was only a one year spot, she was not able to come back this year.  And much to my disappointment, no one in the history department was willing to teach block with me (or any other English teacher for that matter).  So because it would have been too difficult to force a teacher to work in a partnership, the 80+ kids who signed up for World Studies this year had to be placed in other classes.  In other words - as a school we did what was easiest for one department - not what was best for kids.

For the past year and a half, we have been looking at changing our schedule from a traditional 7 hour day to a block schedule.  After much deliberation, we came to a consensus that a modified block - where all classes would meet on Fridays - was the best bet.  We would be assured 3 days a week of seeing our students, we could give them the option of having 8 credits per year, and we would have the benefit of fewer transitions in one day.  Then last week, the proverbial feces hit the rotating air device overhead, spewing scatological matter over all.  The schedule we wanted couldn't happen.  It was too difficult to configure.  So again, instead of doing what we agreed on being student friendly, we did what was easiest for adults.

To be a good teacher, I think you have to be passionate - it is after all a service profession.  And yes, I am a bit of a drama queen, so sometimes I take that passion too far.  This may be my grown up equivalent of a temper tantrum.  Unfortunately I don't have the grown up equivalent of stomping my feet, crying "It's not fair", and demanding my way.  What we do with our students is so important and significant.  I hate to think that so many decisions are being made because they are easy for adults.  That is not my mission or vision.  Maybe I need corrective lenses, or maybe I am staring at the wrong line of letters and I can't see clearly; whatever it is, it needs to be fixed soon.  It is giving me a head and heart ache.